I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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