Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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