where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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