when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
