My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The adults are the big ones right?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
