what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
