Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
