Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
