Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
