I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
