last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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