yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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