M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
cat food counts as protein by the way
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
