My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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