Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
