walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
