I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
