im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
