Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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