New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
