Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
