a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
