We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
