Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
