So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
