I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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