I puked a lego.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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