I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
