I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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