Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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