Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I would fuck him just for his dog
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
