You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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