dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
