I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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