JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
