is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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