I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
