He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
