broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
