You smell like stripper and shame
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I want her autograph on my taint
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
