im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
