I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
