I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
