and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
