She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
