When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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