Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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