Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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