stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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