my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
