In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
