My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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