Your dad touched me again.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
