You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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