I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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